Congratulations, You've Just Been Wanked!
From Fandom wank wiki
Yours is a unique achievement. Heaven knows no one in the history of the world has ever been wanked before. It's not as if there were an average of 2.3 wank reports a day. No, you are a beautiful and unique snowflake, doomed to mockery for the rest of your life, having shown up on Fandom Wank once.
We know you're raring to wade into those comments and give the wankas hell, but if you take a few seconds to consider these few points, you'll be well prepared to make the most of your stay here.
- Read the Fandom Wank User Info. It'll only take up a minute of your time, and it'll save you the embarassment of saying the following really stupid stuff:
- You call yourself a Harry Potter site?
- This isn't constructive criticism! It's pointing and mocking!
- What fanfic have you written?
- Everyone wanks. Everyone. A wanker who picks s/h/itself up and goes on with their life will be forgotten within the week. Some of our regular wankas began here as wankers. There is always redemption/oblivion. Unless, of course, you decide to wage a war of vengeance on Fandom Wank. Then we'll be mocking you to all eternity. See Crystal Gamgee or, more recently, Caina.
- If being featured on Fandom Wank sends you into a sobbing fit, may we suggest you turn off your computer? No, that isn't an insult. Everyone knows the way flamewars sneak up on people and turn them into nervous, shaking wrecks without any warning. Fresh air and offline friends can do wonders for your emotional state. You can always come back later when you've regained some calm.
- Are you doing something illegal? Everyone wanks, but not everyone
- plagiarizes
- issues death threats
- tries to make money off fanfic
- stalks other fen
If so, forget about the rest of this advice. Just stop it and be glad you're not in trouble with the law. Yet. - Fandom Wank is not a court. We are not here to judge the merits of your shipping war. Neither do we have the authority to hand out prison sentences for wankers. You don't need to argue your case to us in tl;dr detail. Besides, that's what got you here in the first place, remember?
- Blaming the following things for your wanky behaviour will not gain sympathy, and doing so can be in violation of several Jurisimprudence laws.
- Asperger's/Autism
- a terminal illness
- racial/class/gender/general oppression
- discrimination
- pregnancy
- high blood pressure
- parent(s)/sibling(s)/relative(s)/best friend's neighbor's uncle's godchild's fiance's roommate(s) dying in the hospital
- thyroid problem
- your religion
- your opposition to political correctness
- Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- your family
- your cultural traditions
- Attention Deficit Disorder
- Clinical Depression
- Sleep Apnea
- bankruptcy
- the government
- not having a microwave
- anything/anyone but your own self
The odds are, you'll be mocked by wankas who have similar problems and somehow refrain from batshit insane behaviour. - Still can't resist the urge? Well, don't worry. We wankas believe in being welcoming.
