From Fandom wank wiki
(Redirected from
English majors)
Seriously. This isn't the 6th grade.
Prelude to the Wank
December 28, 2006: Ehzoterik posts a trilogy of rants (including chat transcripts) in bad rpers suck about Smoke Bomb, the world's foremost authority on everything. Choice selections of Smoke Bomb's absolute omnipotence include what cultural references to cite:
| “
| Dark Stranger: ((Bess is gone? I leave for a few years and suddenly everyone gets delusions of gra---oh sorry, wrong line.))
[...]
Smoke Bomb: ( Strangler were you quoting Star Wars? )
Dark Stranger: ((Vaguely.))
Smoke Bomb: ( Yeah I thought so, I don't want to see anymore of that buddy. )
| ”
|
|
| — {{{source}}}
|
|
And how to play an RPG!
| “
| Smoke Bomb: ( Mesteno doesn't even know how to role-play correctly. )
[...]
Ehzoterik: (Hahaha! Not this again.)
Dark Stranger: ((What is properly?))
Ehzoterik: (The Authority has spoken.)
Smoke Bomb: ( In comparison to him? Absolutely. )
Dark Stranger: ((Did someone institute standards while I was away?))
Ehzoterik: (Smokey here did.)
Dark Stranger: ((Only I can prevent forest fires!))
Ehzoterik: (His Authority is so absolute that he doesn't need to play. Only sit here and criticize everyone else.)
Ehzoterik: (And on occasion claim ownership of the room to prove his point.)
Dark Stranger: ((Sounds like the sport of the elected.))
Smoke Bomb: ( Considering I've literally been doing it as long as you've been alive, yup. )
| ”
|
|
| — {{{source}}}
|
|
It later comes to light that Smoke Bomb is either 25 or 26 and Ehzoterik is either 26 or 27. (They know exactly how much mana it takes to earn the prerequisite XP to kill the magic dragon in Riy'adh but they can't count candles on a birthday cake.) No wonder Smokey's an expert--RP'ing in vitro takes serious dedication!
In fact the transcripts provide many, many discussions concerning how to play an RPG, but this is not what concerns us.
The Wank
January 3, 2007: What does concern us is that Smoke Bomb starts IM'ing anybody who commented to Ehzoterik's posts. awritersfantasy is the first to post a transcript of being contacted in this manner, regarding her anger about the "no quoting Star Wars" business:
| “
| Me: So what, this is your retaliation to what I said there?
Him: I'm just letting you vent.
Me: There's nothing to vent about.
Him: Oh you admit saying it now? Interesting reaction.
Him: "Please tell me where I can find him so I can fsking kick his so and so ..."
Me: ...And you actually thought I was being serious.
Him: Listen buddy - if I ever see you quoting Star Wars.
Him: It's all over.
Me: Do or do not, there is no try.
Him: Thanks Yoda.
Me: May the Force be with you.
Him: You too Luke.
Me: Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.
Him: You are not a princess.
Me: I could go on and on, you know, and I'm not afraid to.
Him: So let me see if I understand correctly - your post was just a joke and you have nothing to actually say to me?
Him: Would you like me to fluff that dress of yours, little sally?
Him: ::fluffs dress:: There we go, you're all set for the big dance tonight.
| ”
|
|
| — {{{source}}}
|
|
Wolfwondress is soon to follow with her own encounter:
| “
|
Bomb: Were you the one calling me Bombpooh or something?
WolfWonderess: Bombpooh? XD Nope, that musta been someone else. I posted in the thread, but didn't say that.
Bomb: Oh okay, so what was your post?
WolfWonderess: Hm, dunno! I'll go find it now though!
WolfWonderess: I think I said you failed at RP and life or something like that.
Bomb: Oh dear, however will I recover from this ...
| ”
|
|
| — {{{source}}}
|
|
Yep, snappy insults and put-downs slide off Smoke Bomb like water off a duck's back. (And then the duck obsessively instant-messages the water to tell it how much the duck doesn't care. Trufax.)
How will Smoke Bomb recover from this? Perhaps the "I'm slightly older than you are" gambit will finally work for once:
| “
|
Bomb: Dear God ... are you at least over 18 years of age?
[...]
WolfWonderess: And my age isn't even relevent, but I suppose I could ask the same of you, eh? And care doesn't need to be denoted in writing ot vocally. It can be denoted through action.
Bomb: Yeah it is relevant, I don't really care to degrade little kids.
[...]
Bomb: You can ask the same of me, I am 25.
WolfWonderess: Ah, well, if you don't care to degrade little kids, I'll put your fears at ease. I'm 22.
[...]
Bomb: Oh okay, miss 22. Let me just use conjecture for a moment, have you ever graduated high school?
[...]
WolfWonderess:Yup. And I'm getting my bachelor's degree this spring.
Bomb: You haven't, have you?
Bomb: Oh, okay. I already have mine, what is your major?
WolfWonderess: Good for you! My major is English.
Bomb: Your degree will be in "English"?
[...]
Bomb: Sweetheart, everything you value here I consume you in, I promise you. Your labels mean nothing to me.
WolfWonderess: And I can assure you that yours mean nothing to me, so I guess we're even, eh?
Bomb: The best I can do? No, but I don't see the need to use more than a tiny bit of effort when dealing with tiny people.
WolfWonderess: And yet again, I'm glad we're on the same page.
[...]
Bomb: Yeah we're on the same page alright, the page left after you were smacked in the head with your "english" book.
[...]
Bomb: By the way when you graduate with a BA in that major, at least use the word "literature" and not "English". This isn't the 6th grade.
WolfWonderess: At my university, it is called an English major.
[...]
Bomb: Oh really, what college was this again? The university of fisher price?
| ”
|
|
| — {{{source}}}
|
|
Things break down from there, but not before it is finally determined that Smoke Bomb isn't A GUY. Just an FYI in case you were getting that "know-it-all fortysomething misogynist" vibe from the 25-year-old girl who plays RPGs.
More FYIs
Links
