Final Fantasy VII

From Fandom wank wiki

The Final Fantasy series' single most popular title, and perhaps the best-selling console RPG of all time, Final Fantasy VII has something for fans of all stripes: hot bishies, unsolved mysteries, and a love triangle. In other words, plenty of stuff for the game's huge fanbase to wank over-- especially when it comes to that last item on the list.

Contents 1 Common Sources of Wank 2 Some Notable Wanks 3 Some anti-wank which makes you regain some faith in humanity 4 And finally, some full-on batshit insanity

Common Sources of Wank

Shipping

• The main shipwar in FFVII fandom is between the Clerises (Cloud/Aeris shippers) and the Clotis (or CloTis) (Cloud/Tifa shippers). Over the years, the debate over which girl Cloud Strife does the horizontal Omnislash with have become so vicious to the point where they are second only to the Great War Of The Harmonians in terms of brutality. There has been hair-pulling, bitching, LOL U R A H0R-ing, and people who weren't delusional shook their heads and either forewent shipping, shipped quietly, sat on the fence, made posts in FW, or decided Cloud would be better off screwing both at once.

• The other main shipwar which continues is that of the Cloud/Sephiroth fans. Most hero/villain ships are proud to be fanon, but this one thinks of its non-canon status as a sign of terrible, terrible shame. Many brutal wars have been fought over this one, too, as some fanits have the idea that they can make canon miraculously change by shouting loudly enough, as a form of Super Fanon Retcon. Cloud/Sephiroth, sometimes known as Cloud/Seph or the ridiculous namesmoosh Clophiroth, is referred to by its followers as "almost canon", "could be canon", and "practically canon", despite the fact that all these phrases are oxymoronic.

• Several other shipping wars have been fought as well, and continue to this day. One of the more controversial ships, and one which almost always generates wank, is Yuffentine, which pairs the moody, mysterious Vincent Valentine with the chipper teenage thief Yuffie.

Everything Else

• The game's notoriously shoddy English translation. For instance, bloody flamewars have been fought over whether the name of the lovely female healer (or h0r if you're an insane Cloti) was spelt "Aeris" or "Aerith". To this day, no-one knows the answer. The general consensus, decided by some sane people and eventually picked up on, was to pick one and stick with it. Even so, this advice is usually ignored, and small fires about it erupt even today.

• The Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, which resurrected (*ahem*) the original game into a full-fledged franchise. The Compilation (or Complication, as some fans like to call it) consists of the movie Advent Children, the anime OVA Last Order, and the games Before Crisis (for cell phones), Dirge of Cerberus (for PS2), and Crisis Core (for PSP). Well before any of these projects were officially released outside of Japan (and even before they came out there), they have given rise to a whole shiny new generation of flamewars amongst English-speaking fans.
  • Some topics of Compilation-related wanks include the ongoing Cleris vs. Cloti debate as well as the storylines for the projects themselves, especially if they go against fans' preconcieved notions (some Compilation projects, most notably Before Crisis and Last Order, violate the original games' canon in certain obvious ways; such deviations are usually not a source of wank, as they are so severe that they can't be justified).
  • A great source of these Compilation wanks is the fact that real-life Japanese musician Gackt is in Dirge of Cerberus and Crisis Core.

Some Notable Wanks

• Aeris, dammit, not Aerith! [1] - April 3, 2004
• We can't even begin to discuss pairings until you talk about them in the right order [2] - September 1, 2004
• Dirge of Cerberus: Will Vincent have a male love interest? [3] - October 21, 2004
• Which makes you a true fan? Illegally downloading the sequel or not illegally downloading the sequel? [4] - September 12, 2005
• How Advent Children Brought Cloud and Tifa Together - September 16, 2005
• CidxVincent pairing wank [5] - January 28, 2006
• FFVII vs. FFXII [6] - October 21, 2006
• Cid can't be bisexual because all bisexuals act the same way! (Happy Birthday, FF7!) [7] - February 3, 2007

Outside the game, Sephiroth and Aeris have been busy helping Chrono to battle aliens on the Astral Plane.

Some anti-wank which makes you regain some faith in humanity

• The redemption of a veteran of the great Aeris v. Tifa war.
• "Yeah, well, you can keep your otakin fantasies - I have an astral marriage to Sephiroth! The real one!"[8]

And finally, some full-on batshit insanity

• A Public Warning: Hojo.org - link via this thread on fwgreatesthits; unfortunately, in the case of this site, it's not much more than grudgewank. RP posts quoted as ttly trufax, journals linked belonging to different 'perpetrators' entirely, encouragements to harass the 'perpetrators', and a story more rife with plotholes than FF7 itself. For more lulz, the domain changed hands in 2007, but the warning remains. The whole shebang seems to have been inspired (in a CC-esque way) by Madison Index, a genuine account of a batshit RPer from hell.
• Summoner Yuna and her love for Sephiroth