God's Magical Pubic Hairs

From Fandom wank wiki

August 4, 2003: Yes, knitting wank. Yes, knitters wank. A lot.

Notable for being both the first and last knitting wank posted to Fandom Wank, as OTF Wank was created a week later. It's considered the granddaddy of all knitting wanks and remembered fondly whenever crafting wank shows up on Journalfen.

For posterity, the entirety of _crowjane (now hexennacht)'s original post to the knitting community:

“	Excuse me, but who the bloody !@%# gets off charging $90 for one ball of yarn? What exactly is so damned special about Prism yarns anyway? Does it heal acne? Kill ringworms? Bleach freckles? Cure grey hair? I am shocked & appalled. Even if it were spun from God's magical fucking pubic hairs, I would not pay that much money.	”
	—

Which was soon followed by reverberate's oddly punctuated, incoherent rebuttal:

“	hi, i went to reply to you 're entry without looking at you 're cut link bcuz i didn 't want to see any thing vulgar but i saw it when i came to this page even tho i didn 't inted to so i 've gotta say that u need to get you 're prioritys best correct girl ... u can 't talk about G-d that way it 's not right at all u know ... why coudn 't u say some thing like magical rabbit furs or spun sugar doll 's hair or some thing why bring G-d Almighty into you 're hateful tirade ... u should know anyway that G-d is a perfect being and he doesn 't have things like bacteria and body odors and nocturnall emissions and p*bic hairs and that was so disrespectful i don 't know if u were kidding or not so e-mail me and i 'll pray for u ... maybe u can help me pearl too it 's not as easy as the knitting stitch lol but i bet u knew that already ! ~dani~	”
	—

Naturally, this did not go unanswered. And wank history was made.

[edit] Wank Links

• The Wank Report

• This wank was so fantastic, it was accidentally reposted to OTF a year later, and nobody minded because we all got to enjoy it again.

• But sadly, some time recently, the original post was baleeted from the knitting community. Thank God and all His magical pubic hairs for The Internet Wayback Machine.
  • The archived post
  • Some archived threads

[edit] Quotes

Many of these quotes were buried deep in the now baleeted comment threads of the OP, and had to be reconstructed from the FW pointing and mocking. Original misspellings and netspeak may vary.

• "one nation, under God's pubic hairs" --meetzemonsta, as a comment subject title in the OP

• "i bet christ is kicking himself for dying for u !" --reverberate, somewhere in the OP

• "u are just wrong maybe u are a commie ? i bet u are heh say the Pledge so i can reveal u !!!" --reverberate

• reverberate: "look up b-tch all u want but its too late for u anyway"

  [Some male LJer, possibly brandawg, replying with icon of himself]: "Dude, I'm a guy and you forgot the y and o when spelling you."

  reverberate: "ok wow dam i 'm sorry u are CUTE =o) =o) =o) =o) can i add u ??"

• reverberate: "i am a tolerent person and i say freedom for everyone but i think u have forgotten FREEDOM OF SPEECH which i am intitled to"

  [Unknown]: "Then how about the part where you're telling her not to discuss God's pubic hairs?"

  reverberate: "YES but she was talking about G-D and that 's WAY DIFFERENT U KNOW ?"

• "Plz do not talk about G-d's magical pubic hairs kthxbye." --the entirety of the FW OP

• "i don 't do rosaries but other christian 's DO and G-D would NEVER NEVER NEVER let HIS DIVINE HAIR be made into a bag for a rosar ... esp. that KIND OF HAIR !!!! u DIGUST ME. DISGUST !!"

  "Even if reverberate is a fake journal this is still the Best. Wank. Ever. Now I understand why my aunt enjoys knitting so much." --yadda, in FW

• "why don 't u snap right out of you 're little HAIRY POTTER (HA HA) world and step into the real world and take off those combat boots while u are at it, they 're ugly buy some real shoes ... !"

  "Harry Potter has been mentioned. The wank has reached perfection." --rowan, in FW

• "I'm getting the image of Reverbate wandering the knitting forums of the world, stamping down disrespect of God G-d and good grammar wherever she/he/it goes.
  [S]he's like a superhero, in a way." --flax, in OTF