Het
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WARNING: The following entry contains subject matter which many may find to be disgusting and perverse
Het is a bizarre underground subgenre of fanfic written by fetishists who can only become aroused by portraying characters engaged in heterosexual intercourse. It is estimated that at least .03% of fan fiction is het. Het is, for all intents and purposes, the opposite of slash.
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Origins of het
The word het is largely believed to be a shortened form of the word heterodox, meaning to hold unorthodox opinions.
The usage of the word het is conjectured to have started in the late 1990s, when early het writers were able to take advantage of the networking capabilities of the Internet to congregate and share their largely unpopular work within a niche market. There are however fannish historians who insist that het has a rich cultural history, with origins that go as far back as ancient Egyptian mythology.
Mechanics of het
There are often many cliches in het which researchers study as a means of understanding the deviants who write it. Oftentimes het writers completely dismiss the accepted fanon of their fandom to entertain the absurd notion that at least two characters in the known universe may not be gay. These characters are invariably not the same sex--one male and one female--and in the course of the fanfic share a relationship outside of the traditional role of gay man/fag hag.
In many instances, het attempts eroticism by having the male insert his erect penis inside one of the female's orifices. In at least two thirds of all instances, this orifice is not the anus. The characters, forced into unrecognizable caricatures of themselves, proceed to act out this farce, until one or both participants reaches orgasm.
Het writers appear to operate under the delusion that their characters can reproduce through vaginal intercourse (which they luridly refer to as "vaginasecks"), through some unexplained process by which the female, not the male, carries the fetus to full term without the assistance of genetic engineering, alien intervention, or magical spells.
Criticisms of het
Het sex is an abomination before God which must be performed by we lesser mortals who are not blessed to be famous fictional characters, hawt celebrities, and/or homosexuals. Fanfic glorifying this despicable act is reviled throughout all fandom and rightfully so. However, pockets of hetfic writers have banded together using the Internet (much like terrorist cells and furries) to share their unholy art and spread its influence to our children.
Exceptions
Het is acceptable in Harry Potter fandom, since Harry is secretly lesbian singer k.d. lang wearing glasses.
