Hogwarts Houses
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In the Harry Potter novels, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry has eight different Houses, mostly as a feint to keep people from noticing that only Good Guy House and Bad Guy House matter, and that the allegiances of the characters are only slightly more complex than in Revenge of the Nerds. Beginning students are assigned to a house via a Sorting Hat that sits on their heads and magically senses whether their name is more like "Bill Jones" or "Reptilicus McSlaydeath." If your name is exceptionally retarded, like "Filius Flitwick" or "Cedric Diggory," the Sorting Hat will determine that you are a background character and sort you into the crap houses accordingly.
All of humanity belongs to one of these houses, and if you don't realize that, you're probably such a Gryffindor. The only known exception is Batman, who has been scientifically proven to equally belong to all the houses.
The popularity of both Harry Potter and defining complex personalities with as few categories as possible have led to sorting communities where every Potter fan can have his peers stare deep into his soul and assign him a number based on the order in which he joined.
Gryffindor
Harry Potter and most of his friends are in Gryffindor. JK Rowling has said she wants to be in Gryffindor. Gryffindor is either the house of noble courage or the bastion of self-righteous obnoxiousness, depending on what House you belong to.
Slytherin
Slytherin is the evil, ambitious House. Or perhaps it's just morally complex and oppressed by "Gryffindorks". You don't need to bartend in the dark to be a Slytherin, but it helps.
All the villains in Harry Potter get sorted into Slytherin. So it's sort of like how the Jedis kick anybody out if they turn evil. Except for where they pay for the evil students' lodging, sports franchise, education in the dark arts, lab fees for Potions 3400 ("How to Kill Harry Potter"), etc.
Ravenclaw
Ravenclaw is where the nerds hang out. Those guys who spend their lives wanking about the numbers of clone troopers in Star Wars? Ravenclaws, every one of them. Also, people who nitpick the above statement about all villains being Slytherins are big drooling Ravenclaws, and should stick to making the Doctor Who article more boring.
Hufflepuff
Easily the sissiest name of the lot, and given the competition that's saying something. Hufflepuff is for boring good-natured people who work hard. They're not the good guys because they don't actually fight giant snakes or travel through time, but they aren't bad guys either. So if Slytherin screws with the other houses you can bet Hufflepuffs won't do anything about it but have a good cry.
Suewarts
Of course, some people are JUST TOO SPESHUL for the regular houses, and need one of their own. Sparklypoo is the house specially commissioned for the recent influx of enchantingly beautiful transfer students with multi-colored hair and cat ears. And Batman.
Pottersues created another three: Bitchiwitch (or Surlysnarl) for the angsty cutters of the world, Tootsitramp for the sex maniacs and Qanonreip for those who should be canon but have been mutated into Sues.
