Laurell K. Hamilton

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Contents 1 Laurell K. Hamilton (And Her Wrathful Hubby) 2 Links 3 Quotes 4 And now, a musical interlude!

Laurell K. Hamilton (And Her Wrathful Hubby)

February 2, 2005: It is generally agreed that Laurell K. Hamilton's novels about vampires and elves have gone from bad to worse to bottom of the trash bin. But when people left negative reviews of her latest offering, 'Incubus Dreams', on her very ugly website's guestbook, her husband wasn't having with it.

To defend his wife's honour against the ingrates who didn't like her book, he posted a long screed complete with misspellings, grammatical errors, and of course, an utter lack of perspective. He and Laurell were suffering, he didn't know what he was going to do yet, but when the red mist lifted, they'd do SOMETHING.

Like deleting the guestbook.

A little while later, Laurell K. Hamilton showed up herself to wangst and demonstrate to the world that she did not know the difference between 'loose' and 'lose.'

And THEN.... they deleted the guestbook!

December 31, 2006: More than a year later, LKH's novels continue to suck and she continues to receive bad reviews - reportedly even to her face, at author's signings. She responds on her blog, basically telling readers to stop interrogating her novels from the wrong perspective. But of course, in a way that makes her look like an "asstard".

Links

• February 2, 2005: Wank Report

• March 5, 2005: Second Wank Report - OH NOES! More criticism!

• December 31, 2006: "Dear Negative Reader"
  • Other authors weigh in on her meltdown

• The LKH Lashouts LJ Community [1]

• Laurell K. Hamilton's Website

• Laurell K. Hamilton's blog

• LKH's Deathless Prose:
  • Anita Blake
  • Merry Gentry
  • More Merry Gentry
  • The Annotated Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter

• Penny Arcade on the Anita Blake series [2][3]

Quotes

• "The true greatness is her homepage at http://www.laurellkhamilton.org, which starts off with graphics of skulls repeatedly opening and closing their mouths, like goldfish, and then quickly moves on to a GIANT SCARY PICTURE OF HER with "Please remember to spay or neuter your pet!" written on it. You can't MAKE stuff like that up." - An anonymouse

• "I'm not sure if this is going to be helpful or not, but I'm the kind of person to throw gasoline on a fire. sometimes it puts the fire out, sometimes it just makes it worse." - Laurell's Hubby Jon

• "I understand that others have been critical of you to the point where it is almost criminal." - a fangirl

• "When you find yourself reading a book and it reaches a point where you're skimming sex scenes, there are probably too many sex scenes. When you get through a 600 page book in just over an hour this way, there are definitely too many sex scenes." - solelyfictional

• "Maybe that small ugly percentage will wear me down and I will finally loose my temper publicly. I hope not." - Laurell K. Hamilton

• "I've always planned on Anita getting to the point where she can control the arduer and not have to have sex every few hours." - LKH

• And, in a cry reminiscent of every bad fan author everywhere: "But I will not rush the transition. I will not hurry my overall plot because some of you are not happy with it. I am sorry you seem so unhappy. If you are truly that unhappy with the direction the series has taken, then stop reading it. Stop reading what I write. There, simply, fixed. If you don't like it, don't buy it, don't read it." - LKH

• "Since I wouldn't stand in line for hours to tell someone I loved their work, the fact that people stand in line for hours to tell me they hate my work, just puzzles the hell out of me." - Laurell K. Hamilton, in "Dear Negative Reader"

• "The arduer is a pain in my, and Anita's butt, too. But I believe in my world. I've done this major metaphysical event. I won't just 'fix it' because it's hard to write around. God, knows, sometimes it is. But the arduer is moving along. I've got my fix in mind, but it's logical, not something that's merely convenient, or because some people hate it. But the arduer is not going away. If that's what you guys are wanting, then it ain't happening. Leave now, because more arduer awaits. The arduer is evolving, as are Anita's powers, but I don't see the arduer going poof." - LKH, again from her blog
  • "I just realized you can add meaning and coherence to this rant by replacing all instances of 'ardeur' (sorry, arduer) with 'ordure‍'." - fevered_ego, in f_w

• "The snarkiness and nastiness will now stop. Immediately." - Darla, LKH's minion mod of LKH's messageboard [4]

And now, a musical interlude!

"She's wet!

She's tight!

She's tight and wet and tight!

Wet wet wet!

Tight tight tight!

It's the Anita Fucking Shoooooooooooow~!" --komorebi[5]