My Ancestors Can Beat Up Your Ancestors
From Fandom wank wiki
December 01, 2004: The Countess Justine Baker makes an appearance on the Internet Movie Database boards for Oliver Stone's film Alexander, claiming that the director got it all wrong, and didn't show "her relative" in the shining light he deserves. She is, in fact, the 73rd great-great etc. grandaughter of Mr. The Great, among others. Her lineage is long and full of royalty! Her family tree is vast and dripping with Tinseltown fame! Some of her family members are "still alive today!"
She also insists that The Countess is not only her birth name but her deserved title, and that she as an actress is destined for international fame. Various replies of WTF and not-so-gentle reminders that Alexander the Great died childless are met with unintelligible ranting, at which point it is posted to fandom_wank.
Round Two!
The Countess discovers said post and proceeds to lose her shit all over the place. Notable for threats of notifying the NSDAR and the Colonial Dames, the re-naming of f_w to The Manson Gang, the calling-upon of both her Internet Lawyer and the FBI (for charges of Felony MisDemeanours) and most of all, for the posting of fandom_wank members' personal information on her website.
More mocking ensues. Sadly, most outside links are now lost to the ether (and the IMDb administrators' BAHLEET button).
Countess Quotes
- "Am I an inheritor of anything? Yes. What? No comment, due to my children and the Estate. Am I eligible to gain an official title? Yes. What? To Be Determined and by which country I choose and recognizes such."
- "I am the grand-daughter of many Thieves and many Kings."
- "Behind film I shine like Marilyn."
- "FAN_WANKS WILL STOP!"
- "Time for battle!"
- "But, don't screw with me on what I DO know, I will cut you into pieces with my words! - Justine Baker, Countess and Daughter of Kings."
