My Ponies Hate You

From Fandom wank wiki

by groovytastic

Well, they do.

1 Pony Vengeance
2 What Are Those Ponies So Mad About, Anyway?
3 The Wank Report
4 Links
5 Quotes
6 Icons

Pony Vengeance

May 11, 2008: After breaking up with his girlfriend Enelar, OtakuOfTomobiki bitterly posts about the split on his LiveJournal. Mostly he's distraught that she wound up with possession of many of his most valuable My Little Pony figures. He concludes with this harrowing curse:

“	So, Enelar, if you’re reading this, as I know you will eventually. I just want you to know that my ponies are not happy anymore. That piece of my heart they carry resonates with my recriminations for all the pain you’ve caused me. There’s an accusing glow in their eyes, reminding you of how much I loathe you for what you and your friends have done. I swear by the innocent SL children you callously orphaned, neither I nor my ponies will ever forgive you. In fact, my dear Enelar, my ponies hate you. The loathing I feel for you in my heart is transmitted to them, just as my love for you was in the past. Now they watch over you at night with glaring, accusing eyes - like something out of a Steven King movie. You are surrounded on all sides by the ponies I invested my magic in. Open your eyes in the dark and feel them watching you, loathing you for the pain you’ve caused me. Haunting you with the ghost of the innocent love you’ve destroyed. Haunting you, watching you, wishing to be anywhere but in the possession of someone as undeserving of pony magic as you.	”
	— {{{source}}}

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What Are Those Ponies So Mad About, Anyway?

For a moment like this, some people wait a lifetime...

May 12, 2008: OtakuOfTomobiki elaborates on the collapse of his real life and, far more importantly, his Second Life.

Although he's a furry, OtakuOfTomobiki initially found roaming around Second Life as a generic fox-man less than satisfying. At first he role-played as various characters from his novel that nobody will ever read, but people didn't come rushing up to worship at his obvious creative genius like they were supposed to. Then he hit upon his first brilliant idea: he would switch to a generic fox-woman! This was followed by an even more brilliant idea: instead of playing his pink squirrel character Kacey in Second Life, he would role-play Kacey role-playing in Second Life. (Contemplate, if you would, a man so dull that he pretends to be someone who pretends to be someone interesting.) His Third Life as a she-bunny, then, was thus sufficiently distanced from his actual persona to make friends with people.

Henceforth, all OtakuOfTomobiki's actions in the game, for better or worse, would be attributed to Kacey's personality and behavior; OtakuOfTomobiki ceased to hold himself responsible for the actions of his avatar's avatar. For example, when players would seek to get to know the player behind the rabbit-woman, OtakuOfTomobiki dared not disrupt his experiment by acknowledging that OtakuOfTomobiki, not Kacey, was the one at the keyboard. When approached for cybersex, rather than simply admit "I'm a 46-year-old man who has more My Little Ponies, Sailor Moon, and PowerPuff Girl crap than a 9-year-old girl," OtakuOfTomobiki would stay true to his role as Kacey. As Kacey, rather than simply admit "I am an alien receptionist from the planet Chikyu," OtakuOfTomobiki would have her bullshit about being crippled and scarred from numerous accidents.

The whole enterprise really took off when Kacey met Eike, a "black bunny avatar" with anime hair, allegedly portrayed by a German man. Eike proposed fake Second Life marriage to Kacey, at which point Kacey totally fell in love with him. Not OtakuOfTomobiki, mind you. Just Kacey. Because Kacey was the one playing Second Life. Not OtakuOfTomobiki. Although the real person behind Eike presumably had legitimate feelings for the person he believed to be behind Kacey, OtakuOfTomobiki treated the whirlwind affair like an anime fairy tale about people who are not him.

As all of this occurred, OtakuOfTomobiki's real life girlfriend Enelar was becoming jealous of the attention he paid to Second Life at her expense. Since OtakuOfTomobiki could not be bothered with grief from his "girlfriend of 2 decades" when he had an INTERNET MARRIAGE to plan, he decided to invite her onto Second Life to meet Kacey and her Second Life fiancé and Second Life children. In an unpredictable turn of events, Enelar was outraged by OtakuOfTomobiki's two-timing ways and broke up with him on the spot. Fortunately, she was unable to disturb the wedding ceremony because she was in the hospital, leaving her boyfriend free to marry a German bunny-man.

The next day, however, Eike accused Kacey of being male, and Kacey (not OtakuOfTomobiki) was unable to convince him of the "truth." OtakuOfTomobiki would later chide Eike for failing to overcome this obstacle and live happily ever after with Kacey, and more importantly not provide OtakuOfTomobiki with an entertaining story to observe.

Such a sad tale. No wonder the ponies are so pissed off.

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The Wank Report

May 15, 2008: The entire incident is reported on Fandom Wank, quickly attracting both Enelar and OtakuOfTomobiki to defend their positions, share their thoughts on yaoi, and generally describe one another's sexual perversions. Because that's what Fandom Wank is for, right?

OtakuOfTomobiki later returns to declare victory, then deletes both his Livejournal and JournalFen accounts. Perhaps not feeling quite victorious enough, he later undeletes both accounts, deletes all his comments on Fandom Wank, and then deletes both journals again. Deletion: just like it never happened!

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