Nicky the Goth

From Fandom wank wiki

(Edgar Allen Poe + H.P. Lovecraft − talent) × (Mojo Jojo + a fucknutter sandwich) = Nickolaus Pacione, aka "Nicky the Goth", alias "Jason Trotter, Investegative Journalist Extraordinaire"


Nicky would dearly love to be Anne Rice, but he mostly only succeeds at interrogating the text from the wrong perspective.

Contents

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So Who Is This Waste of Space, Anyway?

Nicky is a wannabe horror writer who has published his writings on the Internet and through a vanity press (and, apparently, "in magazines"[1]). His writing really sucks, which would not normally inspire universal hatred, but on top of being a shitty writer Nicky is also a paranoid, psychotic asshole. He also can't take criticism very well, so he and the whole world have understandably reached an impasse.

The slightest provocation sends Nicky into a frenzy, wherein he seeks to notify his perceived enemies that they are any or all of the following:

  • In violation of numerous imaginary laws for having excerpted, paraphrased, summarized, read, or merely been aware of his body of work.
  • A fag.
  • Guilty of libel, due to having characterized him as a shithead.
  • A fucking fucker who should fuck off.
  • A "pissblogger" who harasses him by pointing and laughing at his assholery.
  • Just jealous of his phenomenal literary success.
  • Utterly worthless for not having published a book like he has.
  • Going to pay for all the libel and harassment, just as soon as he grows some balls.

Among (many) other things, Nicky loathes homosexuals, erotica, and slash, to the point that he readily assumes any given person he's yelling at is one of the "slash writing fags." This especially endears him to Fandom Wank, which happens to resemble the remark.

Nicky sometimes becomes enraged enough to issue actual threats, ranging from using his stories to get you fired to inflicting bodily harm. However, his propensity to "sing it" is almost certainly inversely related to his capacity to "bring it," given that he looks like this and sounds like this.

When he isn't ranting and raving at anyone who will listen, Nicky never shuts up about "the non-fiction book"-- "his memoir studying the internet politics and comparing to how he was harassed in high school."[2] (Yes, he wanted to make very sure we knew exactly what his book was about, acknowledged him as a published author, and recognized his talent as an "investegative journalist."[3] You just can't make this stuff up.[4][5])

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Nicky's Deathless Prose

“ From this that eludes me which I pen this-- as what I say what eludes me is sleep, and from the sleep becomes the etchings where the dreams begin. In them as they are typed, from the tired fingers I would draw from them in the eyes which sagged on with the thoughts that keep me awake. The waking thoughts as they would be there are what caused me to awaken violently a few days ago-- that it would be still in the waning darkness which it would be described. ”
— the first three sentences of his story collection, Collectives In A Forsaken Landscape
“ She was a horror writer, but one that didn’t write of characters who weren't her own and bastardized the characters of a writer who didn’t agree with she did. Her name was Jane Rae Brite, and she liked to write what they called slash fiction -– the writer who she idolized was named Albert Joseph Poe. Though what she did was something Albert wouldn’t approved of, and some of the people who read his work sent her electronic mail saying what she did should not be done. The images seen within the writing of Albert Poe was that of a technological horror but had elements of an era that was long forgotten or almost forgotten – a horror genre that had no way to be classified as such. ”
— "The Fandom Writer", a fanfic about a fanfic writer who writes a fanfic about him Albert Joseph Poe
and suffers a dreadful fate. (The revised version contains less stalking, but more amusing reviews.)
“ All I am saying to the people who gave this book bad reviews let the people who want to get the book -- allow them to give the book a chance. This book might not be for everyone, but those who are giving the book bad reviews you're being by saying the book isn't for anyone. Now let people enjoy the book, if you don't you can go f--k yourselves. This project is a labor of love on my part and I was more than willing to sign these books in my blood. ”
— from his response to critics
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Wanks

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Important Note:

Nicky was banned from Journalfen by the JFA, so like another wanker of repute, you're no longer allowed to mock him in the Fandom Wank Communities. Feel free to mock him all you like elsewhere, though!

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Links

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Nicky's habitats

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Monkeyfuck Pissbloggers!!!!

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Nicky in action

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Extra hilarity

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