Nothing is like the Nazis

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Inspired by the eleven-billionth case of someone breaking Godwin's Law, isntitironic offered us some words of wisdom, in a post entitled "STAYING OFF FANDOM_WANK FOR WANKERS".[1] Two similarly-themed posts, also by isntitironic, followed in subsequent wanks. Here are all three posts quoted in their entirety as they originally appeared:

RULE 1: Nothing is like the Nazis.

“ Seriously. Those people who don't agree with your 'ship? They are not like the Nazis. Those people who don't agree with your politics? That mod who banned you? That person who corrected the spelling in your fanfic? None of them are even remotely like the Nazis in any way, shape, or form. Nothing is like the Nazis. Even those guys who hang out at the mall in black leather with shaved heads and swastika bling are not like the Nazis - they're only trying to be because they think it makes them rebels, when in fact it merely makes them badly-dressed idiots who will never get laid because if they ever took their clothes off in front of another human being they would find themselves in the incredibly unenviable position of having to convince that other human being that their tattoos are 'just kidding'.

Should you find yourself tempted to compare somebody to the Nazis, follow these steps:

  1. Stop typing.
  2. Log off and shut down your computer.
  3. Visit the nearest bookshop or library. Get yourself a nice cup of coffee and find a book on the Holocaust. Read the book from cover to cover.
  4. Spend 24 hours thinking about what was in the book.
  5. Get back online and re-read the post that made you angry.
  6. If you still feel like comparing something to the Nazis, repeat from step one.
  7. Once you have gained some perspective, then and only then may you post your reply.
”
— {{{source}}}

Rule 2: There are no conspiracies in fandom.

“ You are not significant. The people who produce the entertainment you love have enough money to buy the Moon, which some of them probably have. They don't give a shit what you, personally, think. Therefore, none of them are going to immense trouble and expense to convince you of something that isn't true. You are not being oppressed.

This means, for example, that New Line is not hiding the TRUE GAY LOVE of Dominic Moneghan and Elijah Wood for PR reasons. This is obvious if you apply a little of the obscure concept known as Earth Logic: Lord of the Rings is full of crap like magic and point-eared demon people, and probably not popular with the set who tend to be raging homophobes. It is popular with the new-agey, bleeding-heart liberal set who like to claim they're bisexual because it makes them look cool while still allowing them to date the opposite sex. There are 'out' gay actors in it already. Dom and Elijah coming out would make it more popular with its target audience, half of whom believe hobbits reproduce by MPreg anyway, not less.

J.K. Rowling is not leading you down the garden path about who will bed who in Harry Potter, and this is not connected with the abortion of Chinese fetuses. There are no Nazis involved in fandom at any point (see Rule 1). The only conspiracies in fandom are efforts to keep the fanbase spoiler-free, and these almost always fail anyway - often because the first fan to come across a given spoiler is an asshat.

Likewise, you are not being oppressed or hoodwinked by your fellow fans. If you find yourself surrounded by people who disagree with you, simply type a keyword related to your point of view into Livejournal's interest search. Within a fraction of a second (the exact fraction will depend on the speed of your connection), you will have found the location of at least four communities of people who do agree with you. Enjoy.

Should you be tempted to blame something in your fandom on a conspiracy, and you are not a Harmonian, please follow these steps:

  1. Stop typing.
  2. Open a new browser window.
  3. Type 'www.journalfen.net/fandom_wank' into the address bar and click 'go'. When the page comes up, select 'Edit'; 'Find (On this page)'; and type in 'Harmony'. If it finds no results, click the 'previous 20 entries' link and try again.
  4. Read the wank in detail.
  5. Ask yourself, "do I really want to be like them?"
  6. If the answer is 'yes', find the second most recent Harmony wank and read that.
  7. When you've decided you don't want to be taken for a paranoid basket case, then and only then may you post your reply.

If you find yourself tempted to blame something on a conspiracy and you are a Harmonian, then go ahead. There's no helping you, and you might as well have your fun before you all stamp your feet and explode like Rumplestiltzkin upon reading Book 7.

”
— {{{source}}}

Rule 3: It isn't life-threatening.

“ The world will not end if not everybody likes the same slash pairing as you. The world will not end the day your favourite series is dubbed. The world will not end because 12-year-old girls in cat ears are allowed into your anime convention. Actually, none of these things will even cause a mild interruption in the world, never mind its end. The world is thirteen thousand kilometres across, weighs six septillion kilograms, and is orbiting the Sun at one hundred and ten thousand kilometres per hour. It takes more than a fandom squabble to bring about the end of it. Trust me.

Should you find yourself worrying about the fate of the world while involved in a fandom squabble, follow these steps:

  1. Stop typing.
  2. Take ten deep breaths. Maybe play some Yanni.
  3. Ask yourself: will this matter in a hundred years?
  4. Heck, will it matter in one year?
  5. Will it even have a bearing on what I eat for dinner tonight?
  6. If the answer to any of the above is 'yes', turn off your computer and go take a walk before repeating from step one. If the answer to all three is 'no', go on to step seven.
  7. Either reply treating the subject with only the seriousness it actually deserves, or turn off your computer and walk away.
”
— {{{source}}}
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