Publish And Be Damned! Or maybe not
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Wellington's First Life
Arthur Wellesley, the Duke of Wellington, never featured on Fandom Wank during his first lifetime. He was much too busy kicking Napoleon around Europe to spend his time wanking on the dienapoleondie LJ community. Not that he didn't have a chance. There was that post on Clairvoyantwank in 1825: "Not started yet, but I can tell it's going to be big, considering the participants."
- Harriet Wilson: Oh, Wellington, dahling, I'm writing a book about all the men I've slept with, but you can buy yourself out of it for fifty pounds.
- Wellington: Publish and be damned!
Much disappointment on Clairvoyantwank.
Wellington's Second Life
Unfortunately for his pride, Wellington was reincarnated as a whiny LJer named Meg. And this time, with no available war or women at hand, s/he turned to the internets for something to do and discovered deadmentalking, an LJ roleplaying game where people played historical figures, including Wellington. And they were getting things wrong! Obviously, they must stop publishing, though they were still welcome to damnation.
A frontal attack would obviously avail nothing. Wellington-Meg turned to her most trusted friend and advisor, crimeofthought, who spends his spare time propositioning random people on AOL Instant Messsenger in pseudo-nineteenth century speak. Together they joined the RPG, Meg as Napoleon, and crimeofthought as General Rowland Hill. Their mission: to hound the fake Wellington off the internet.
Unfortunately, the mods told them to knock off the personal attacks. So Meg started work on a letter that would settle it all.
The Letter
| “ | YOU WILL NEVER BE RID OF ME, MY DEAR, FOR SO LONG AS YOU CONTINUE TO DEGRADE AND INSULT THE CHARACTER AND THE MEMORY OF LORD WELLINGTON IN YOUR DISGUSTING, SEX-CRAZED, FAN GIRL IDIOCY. IT IS A TERRIBLE SHAME THAT A WOMAN SO KNOWLEDGEABLE AND WELL-READ AS YOURSELF SHOULD SQUANDER SUCH ON BLATANT FOOLISH DRIVEL. YOU SHAME YOURSELF AND THE NOBLE PERSONAGE WITH WHOM YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO TOY. I MOURN THE FACT THAT THERE ARE THOSE SO LACKING IN DECENCY THAT THEY FIND SUCH HIDEOUS BEHAVIOR AND DISCUSSION NOT ONLY TOLERABLE, BUT AMUSING. A PITY THAT CERTAIN PEOPLE ARE DEAD AND INCAPABLE OF DEFENDING THEIR MALIGNED HONOUR IN PERSON. THERE IS SATIRE, AND THEN THERE IS INSULT. PERHAPS, SOMEDAY, YOU WILL GET WHAT IS SO DESPERATELY COMING TO YOU. I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL, MADAME. BELIEVE ME &TC. -THE VERITABLE LORD OF THE PSYCHOPATHS, OTHERWISE KNOWN AS MEG | ” |
The mods banned them.
Defending The Iron Duke Against All Defamers
Meg-Wellington went off to rant in his/her journal, then deleted it and pretended she'd been suspended by LJ Abuse for harassing the RPG. As she said:
| “ | And it /is/ defamation, not only of character, but of history, and of national identity and MANY other things. It cannot be prosecuted, that is true, but defamation regardless. It is such a pity that our society has degraded so thoroughly that you people can do what it is that you do with absolutely not sense of shame. | ” |
When questioned by the moderator, orangutan, what she possibly hoped to achieve, 'Lord Meg' gave a response to put Dr. No to shame:
| “ | No, my goal is and has always been to give you enough hell to the point where you must either go F.O., you give up in frustration, or you have so many problems that it simply becomes impractical for you to maintain your sick filth any longer. In short, to remove the abomination that is DMT and to a certain degree the idiocy of kalurien from livejournal. I am normally not fond of stating such full purpose, but, that, I presume, should have been obvious enough by now. | ” |
More of this sort of stuff in the Wank Report: March 30, 2005.
The Shameless Mod Weighs In
orangutan comments on it all:
| “ | So, I just got an email from crimeofthought, discussing at length how OBVIOUSLY Meg wasn't responsible for her actions because she sincerely believes she's the Duke of Wellington, and it's just like if Johnny Depp came across a journal pretending to be him and was angry! OMG u ev0l h0r!!1!
You know, we have a few other players who believe themselves to have had past lives, or believe they're channeling, or whatever. Not my sort of thing, but I can respect it. None of them have posted goddamn monologues on how they will bring about my Doom. Best part: he apparently believes I have the mystical power of having LJ accounts deleted, not suspended, on my behalf. He begged me not to have his deleted! Never again will I hang my head and slink into the corner when people tell of gamewanks past. No, no, now I may hold my head up high, and tell in a hushed voice of the time I angered the Duke of Wellington and General Rowland Hill! God, I love my life. | ” |
Categories: Wanks | WTF
