The Colbert Report on Harmony

However, I am chunking all that and more, in favor of my instinct. Instinct told me in book 1 that Hermione was written for Harry. So, I'm there to see if the author can pull it off in book 7.

And that brings us to this wank's Word:

Context

Who needs it?

Now, I know you canonistas are gonna shoot me down no matter what, but I have a bone to pick with people who don't let me see things my way. As an American, I have every right to interpret a text to my own liking.

And Use Capslock To Prove It

I don't need past events or actions to tell me why characters behave the way they do. I don't live in the past. I believe in the here and now, in the moment. When Harry and Hermione fly across the sky on a hippogriff, I don't need the text to know that deep down, Harry knows that soaring feeling is from finding his soul mate, and Hermione’s emotions are running along similar lines.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

That's right, fear. The deep, concentrated, pure love Harry feels for her should be jarring. After all, what else should a woman do in the face of her true love besides cower? Try as she might to be a credit to her gender, there's no way even a mentally-elevated woman such as Hermione could face the intensity of true platonic love without being overwhelmed. And that's unsullied, lust-free romantic love, you dirty heathens.

Lie Back And Think Of England, 'Mione

And speaking of platonic, all of you OBHWFers can stop looking so smug with your "definitions" from your dictionaries. Dictionaries are books. Books rely on facts. That's why I don’t trust them.

Dictionaries: The Snape of Reference Books

You know what I trust? I trust toast. You know why? Because celebrities don't eat it. Celebrities from Liberal Hollywood, our modern Sodom and Gomorrah. That despicable town glorifies relationships such as Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione, relationships based on nothing but sex and violence.

Mmmm… Sex And Violence…

Filthy liberals can't handle toast's carbs of truthiness. After all, where do carbs go?

Your Bulging Gut

That’s right! The gut. The instincts. Where else could you possibly go to really know who Harry will wind up with in the end?

To JK Rowling?

You can say whatever you want about the basic text, your literary "facts," but I refuse to let myself be oppressed by your precious canon.

A Cannon Would Work Much Better

Call me delusional, but when I read Harry Potter, I don't care about the plot or the characterization. I care about my personal satisfaction. And what can be more important than that when interpreting the text?

Context

And that's the Word.