Torchwood
From Fandom wank wiki
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WARNING! WARNING!
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Spin-off from the ever popular Doctor Who, in the tradition of BTVS and Angel before them. Basically, the powers that be decided Doctor Who did not have enough buttsex in its current format. The solution? Take the Doctor's oversexed occasional companion Captain Jack Harkness, give him four bisexual assistants, stick them all in Cardiff and show it really late at night on BBC3 (a digital channel) so all the worried parents out there can't complain about the evil influence of the gay.
The series follows the central characters who live at the centre of a great big rip in space and time, much like Buffy and the Hellmouth. They spend a small amount of time fighting aliens and supernatural forces, and the rest of the time having sex. Remember, it's an ADULT show for GROWN-UPS, and this has to be proved to the viewer by including as much blood, swearing and close-ups of naughty bits as possible. Main characters on the show are:
- Captain Jack Harkness: On-and-off (in more than one way) companion of the Doctor. By his own admission, he will screw anything with a hole. And, as an added bonus, he's American.
- Gwen Cooper: Rip-off of the naive Rose Tyler on Doctor Who. Unlike Rose, her husband loves to hang around the house naked. But like Rose, great with assault weapons.
- Ianto Jones: Eye candy who whined his way into a job making coffee for the rest of the team. Fills the "Hufflepuff with a gun" role that Mickey played on Doctor Who. The whole fandom went into a squee after his gay relationship with Jack was confirmed as canon. Well on his way to canonically becoming the Possessive, Bitter Super-Uke that he is in fanon.
Dead members of Torchwood, who, given this show, could come back at any time, include:
- Owen Harper: Medical expert. Had lots of hawt sex with Gwen, and occasionally brought the snark. Became undead before he became very dead.
- Toshiko "Tosh" Sato: Dull techno-nerd who became a lot more interesting after she had a lesbian affair with an alien monster.
- Suzie Costello: They keep killing her.
Important recurring characters include:
- Rhys Williams: Gwen's aforementioned naked husband. However, no one other than Gwen wants to see him naked, not even Jack. Now grinding out levels in Badass since Torchwood took him into the fold.
- Myfawny The Pterodactyl: Torchwood pet, and protagonist in what might be the coolest scene ever on a TV show.
- The Weevils: Underground-dwelling monsters who are Torchwood's equivalent of the Daleks, in that they show up much too often and do so for no real reason. Worshipped Owen after he became undead. Used by fanbrats for that extra-special touch in slashfic.
- Captain John Hart: Sociopathic time-traveling ex-boyfriend of Jack. Finds poodles sexually attractive. In a previous life, was Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Torchwood has a long way to go before it catches up with big daddy Doctor Who in the wank leagues, but it's getting there, assisted in large part by the torch_wood community on LJ. Typical wankfodder includes the usual stuff about shipping and spoilers, as well as the show's relation to Doctor Who, and whether or not Owen (who once seduced a woman and her boyfriend by giving them alien aphrodisiacs) is a rapist.
Why yes, the name "Torchwood" IS an anagram of "Doctor Who". How did you ever guess?
