We Must Bring Your Fanfic Character Through the ASTRAL PLANE!

From Fandom wank wiki

July 9, 2005: It's the same old story, summed up nicely by faultypremise in the Wank Report:

Guy meets girl. Guy decides he likes girl's character and that he is in love with her and has married her on the astral plane somewhere. Guy wants girl to bring character over from the astral plane so he can be with her.
— {{{source}}}

It's really the author's duty, after all, since the guy in question is married to her character.

Her fanfic character, Katalina Nicole Acorn-- Kat for short-- that is.

In the Sonic the Hedgehog fandom.

Also, it turns out that the guy in question (KronosLogicos, Kronos, Chrono, Kevin, and OblivionHedgehog) maintains the "Ki Sanctuary" website, previously featured on Something Awful. [1] He claims to be able to do Dragonball Z-style Ki attacks. Totally believable, of course.

Particularly the bit about the Astral Wal-Mart. [2]

Quotes

  • 'Same goes with ki; I have an allergy to certain types of ki sometimes. Some are allergic to the certain colours like green, so I never, ever take in green ki; I have to visualise it as white or it will really screw my system up.' - Chrono[3]
  • 'So she asked me, "Are you trying to become a werewolf?" and I nearly fainted. "How on earth did you know this?!"' - Chrono [4]
  • Chrono on the Astral Plane: 'So, I tried jumping up to fly. I couldn't. "Oh, that is right. Mystinar on the forums said that while in Astral Projection you have to convince yourself of something first." With that I convinced myself there was no gravity. However, I felt scared so I didn't fly to Mobius because I thought I may hurt myself.' - Chrono [5]
  • 'Good Mor..I mean, Good Afternoon! I woke up at 3: 30 PM! Geez. But all is not in vain, I astral projected from 6 AM to this very time, and had some fun with Kat, in an even more intimate way. I even got to play some weird virtual reality game thingy. My astral experience was too long to remember, so my only guess is that this was a game from her planet perhaps, or maybe some astral game. They do exist, and I was in an astral Wal-Mart, again. There were furs walking around so it must have been her planet.' - Chrono, from his journal [6] (link is to a Word document)
  • 'What is my darkside planning? It attacked me and for a while I was indeed mind-controlled.' - ibid
  • 'I do not mean that Kronos made a fan character and had him marry her in a story. I mean that he truly, honestly believed that HE had married Kat. He believed that Kat visited him in reality from the Astral Plane to have sex with him, acting completely unlike herself, and he would write it all down. He also believed that characters like Sonic, Sally, Goku, Aerith, Sephiroth, and others would visit him as well. He also believed that he fought evil demons and could throw ki blasts that even Goku could not beat.' - Yukidragon [7]
  • 'One of the other main reasons is to speak up for Kat, the real Kat, whom I have created and spent 12 years developing. Kat can only speak up for herself through me because I am her creator, and, as such, the only person who really knows the true Kat.' - ibid
  • 'DUDE.

    TALK ABOUT BATSHIT.

    THIS IS BEYOND BATSHIT.

    DUDE.

    IT IS SO BATSHIT CRAZY OMGWTF I CAN ONLY EXPRESS THE BATSHIT CRAZY OMGWTFNESS OF IT IN ALL CAPS.' - Sarajayechan[8]

Issendai offers some advice

Dear children,

If someone you meet online spends huge amounts of time training in martial arts and practicing sooper speshul magickal powerz, and is widely regarded as a major power in his chosen field(s), ask yourselves this important question:

"Why is the Grand High Master of Psychic Ninjitude looking for respect and attention online?"

Or possibly:

"How does he manage to put in all this time online in between training, astral travel, and saving the world?"

Or maybe even:

"If I were a master of the supernatural/Arwen's reincarnation/a Jedi master/a thousand-year-old griffin-kitsune-elfkin, would Yahoo newsgroups and AIM be high on my roster of Places to Go?"

If the answers you come up with suggest a bit of ambivalence, run with it. Really. No matter how many cool ki tricks the High Lord of the Dragon Jedi offers to teach you.

Sincerely,

A Friend