Woobie
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Woobies are personifications of all that is good and right in the world. These gentle, noble creatures have vastly enriched the web of life that is fandom, infusing us all with a sense of wonder at the grace of their presence.
To see a woobie, all know, is to instantly love them, cherish them, and want to cuddle them, and those who do not are terribly misguided souls, or possibly simply evil. Woobies are creatures of infinite patience and wisdom, who have a nature at once deceptively strong and resiliently fragile. Woobies have unusual restorative powers, evolved to compensate for the many, many times that the cruel and unusual universe unthinkingly heaps pain after pain upon them. And because of their wisdom, this extensive experience with suffering, and their deft powers of perception, woobies are, of course, always right.
Woobies also mate for life, though their chosen soul mates often do not realize the worth of the woobie who loves them, provoking pity (for the soul mate) and sympathy (for the woobie) from those around them, and damning the foolish true love to a lifetime of eternal unhappiness. Fortunately, the purity and self-sacrificing nature of a woobie means that they will attempt to stay around their soul mates even when abused, ignored, unloved, or unwanted.
Surprisingly, woobies are extremely tasty when grilled with a citrus marinade.
DID YOU KNOW?
- Woobies were once nearly hunted into extinction, due to the belief that powdered woobies-foot was a natural Erectile Dysfunction cure?
- Franklin D. Roosevelt established the first Woobie Preservations, helping to save the population and allowing them to achieve the flourishing state you can see today?
- The Portuguese government once attempted to outlaw woobies, leading to a near-economic crash before the legislation was hastily repealed?
- If you lick a woobie, you'll have hallucinations for three days straight?
- Early research has indicated woobies may be able to heal cancer, save souls, and take out the trash every night?
- Woobies are the only species who derive an accelerated healing process from sex, particularly buttsex?
- Woobies play a role in at least three major religions, and are acknowledged as heralds of good in two of them?
- Male woobies outnumber female ones by a ratio of about twenty-three to one?
Famous Woobies
- The ur-woobie, Lex Luthor of Smallville
- Sephiroth of Final Fantasy VII
- Draco Malfoy, Severus Snape, and Remus Lupin of Harry Potter
- Jessie, James and Meowth of Team Rocket (Pokemon)
- Sesshomaru of Inuyasha
- Knives and Legato of Trigun
- Vicious of Cowboy Bebop
- Luigi of Super Mario fame
- Marron of Sorcerer Hunters
- Eric Cartman of South Park (yes, THAT Cartman)
- Rukia of Bleach
- Sylar of Heroes
