You are seriously hindering my attempts at becoming popular on the Internet

From Fandom wank wiki

by adinaj69

September, 2004: SALJ, the Something Awful LiveJournal community, was populated mostly by trolls who preferred to target furries and other LJ subcultures. They attempted to hide this, and their connection to SA, by claiming that the community was a fan journal for a Christian rock band named "Stairs Aren't Lost".

This extremely transparent deception proved fruitless, and the community was eventually TOSed by LJ Abuse, as were many of its members. LJ Drama, another troll site, then posted about the issue constantly until they imploded over whether it was all that funny.

A Wank Report followed, but what interested most wankas was the reaction of one of SALJ's members, Terrajen. You see, she'd called LJ's official voicemail to complain to and proposition Brad Fitzpatrick (creator of LiveJournal - see Brad).

Oh, and she recorded it for posterity, so everyone could enjoy.

Wank in audio format!

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The Voicemail

“

OK, I'm calling LJ right now to complain about the bannings, OK?

[LJ voicemail message (side note: this is the voice of Brad's mother) *beep*]

Oh... hah!

'Sup, Brad... This is Jen...

Um, I'm not going to tell you my username because I'm afraid you'll ban me... from LJ. Um, even though I doubt that leaving you a voicemail is enough reason to get me banned, but there doesn't seem to be a line that you won't cross lately, so I'm not gonna take my chances.

But yeah. Anyways. I'm... calling to voice my displeasure about the recent banning of some LJ members that were members of S A L J -- not "salj" like some shitheads would call it... it's S-A-L-J.

Umm, I don't understand why supporting a Christian Rock band is a violation of the TOS... because... it's not!

Seriously.. what's wrong with being Christian? What did Jesus ever do to you, Brad!?

Um... and yeah... Not only am I upset about you being a Nazi... I'm really upset about the fact that my friends of list has been... like... reduced by at least seven people... since yesterday. And that really sucks 'cause I had just recently hit like 200 on my friends of page... And now it's like 193.

So, you're seriously hindering my attempts at becoming popular on the Internet... and that makes you a douchebag! ...Brad.

But um... I have a proposition to make... if you're up for it. You need to unban all of my friends... um, that you banned since yesterday. And if you do I'll make the ultimate sacrifice and have sex with you. As long as you don't wear a furry suit because... furries are just gross... and they're an abomination... and I would rather get fucked by Futhman than get fucked by a furry. So yeah... please unban all my friends.

It will be a win-win situation 'cause then you'll get laid... my friends of page count goes up and my friends get their LJs back. So it works... and... that's really all I have to say so...

Bye, Brad... I hope you think this over and take it seriously, please, cause I'm not kidding around. Bye.

”

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